Mental Health Monday 
I recently finished reading “An Unquiet Mind”, by Kay Redfield Jamison. It is a memoir of her experiences with her own manic depression. It is a very insightful book into the life of a bipolar person. At the end of the book she asks herself if she could choose to have bipolar disorder, would she. Her answer is yes, she feels it has allowed her things she would not have otherwise experienced.
After I read that, I closed the book and I asked myself the same question. My immediate answer was, “I would not wish bipolar disorder on my worst enemy.” Then I thought some more, and I realized my sons, who I love with all of my being, may have inherited this disease. Alone with my thoughts, I sat there and I cried. What if one of them has it? What if I gave it to them? What have I done?
Being bipolar is not completely awful, I feel I am a much more creative person because of it. However, it has put limitations on me and my life, limitations that I detest, limitations I would never want my children to experience. The chance of my boys inheriting bipolar is roughly 15-30% , depending on who you ask.
I have always wanted to be a Mom. I have failed miserably at many things in my life. Being a Mom is one thing I knew I would be great at, and I am. It never even occurred to me to not have children, because of my bipolar, ……perhaps it should of.
I now worry about them being bipolar more then I should. When my oldest acts too sensitive, or gets upset easily, I get a little pang in my stomach and I think to myself “Oh no, he is bipolar.” I don’t even know how I would live with the magnitude of one of them being bipolar. Would I, could I, ever forgive myself?
My question to you, is if you knew you had faulty genes, and that your children stand a chance to inherit a disease, would you still have children?
Posts
I have so many health problems, but none of them stopped me from having children. I have a heart condition (same condition that Stellan of my charming kids has), I have had skin cancer (my dad died of cancer when he was 24), and lots of other more minor things. Nope, it never occurred to me not to be a mom.
ReplyDeleteI've never thought about this until your post. I would like to say that unless I was just physically unable to have kids then I wouldn't let anything stop me. I feel strong enough in my faith to just rely on God and know that it's all in His hands.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post. Hugs!
I have Bi-polar as well. I'm not thrilled with the diagnosis, but it's a name to the condition, and that is infintely better than just some random unknown emotional thing.
ReplyDeleteI've never thought about NOT having children. I guess I've come to think about it like possibly passing on Type I diabetes, or a nut allergy, or something like that. Just because it might be difficult on inconvenient, that doesn't mean I won't ever have children. If we all thought like that, no one would EVER have kids.
I think we all have faculty genes in one way or another.
ReplyDeleteMy dad died of a heart attack at 59 and my mom has parkinson's.
If it was something truly extreme(like huntington) I would probably choose not to have kids, but nobody's genes are perfect.
You sound like a good mom and I would try not to worry too much (although I know that is easier said then done.)
Hello, visiting from SITS. Have a great day.
ReplyDeleteMy family is rampant with depression and severe alcoholism. I have the depression and probably drink more than I should at times, though I am very very careful. My depression has been suicidal and severe many times in my life, resulting in trips to the mental ward. I would not wish it on anyone, and yet, yes, I would have children. And, if they showed signs of depression, I would know what to do. The only issue I have is coming off drugs to have them. Sounds like you did. I don't know that I can. But, a million times yes.
ReplyDeleteNobody's perfect, so in way we all have faulty genes. I would caution people who carry genes for a debilitating disease (like MS) to limit the number of children they birth themselves and adopt the rest. I would say that only because it takes a lot to raise children with special needs.
ReplyDeleteBipolar, some of the most inspiring and creative people have bipolar. Should the creative be banned from creating life?...... NO, of course not. You know what you are capable of handling. When planning a family allow yourself time to feel and address any emotion, like guilt, but plan with logic. If all of your children were diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, what kind of support would you need in place. Research that now and have another baby when you are ready.
I've waited till the right time to have kids and the right time has not come yet. I have never wanted any more than to be a mother and now my body is having health challenges. I learning not to regret waiting for kids because I know there is adoption. You will never regret bringing children in the world. Your a good mom and the world is a better place because of your beautiful children.
My darling daughter-type, you didn't "fail miserably" before you had kids - you were learning what you needed to learn - so don't use that f-word mama says! I had kids without medical history. I was adopted. Like you, I wanted children - period. Having kids is such a crapshoot in every way, mentally AND physically. You love them to pieces and love being a mom. Enjoy it! Worry just PRETENDS to be important - its not, it only takes you away from good stuff in the present moment. Hugs from mama-type.
ReplyDeleteI have to say this was well put...I too have Bipolar and at times I feel like a failure, I know my son relies on me for most everything and its almost like i have to put my health status on hold to care for him.
ReplyDeleteLately the sofa has been my best friend...but I hope to change that soon!
this book has been on my wishlist forever.
ReplyDeletei've never had the opportunity to have a baby, but the actual 9 months of pregnancy sans my medication scares the bejesus out of me. i'm not going to lie. i don't know how i will make it OR how my husband will make it (if i ever get one). i have visions of my future husband leaving me because it's all just "too much." i'm getting ready to post a bipolar post on my site after i comment here.
also, i greatly fear that if i do have kids, i should only have one for fear that i won't have the patience for 2. i don't want my child/ren writing a "mommy dearest" memoir about me.
lastly, i do fear that i will pass on these genes. it runs on both sides of my fam, which greatly concerns me. i don't want my child to grow up feeling like everything she does is wrong, like i did.
I hesitated to have kids because of being bipolar. I don't want the misery I've experienced to be passed on. I'm pregnant right now and the bipolar symptoms are surprisingly low so far. Thank goodness. But I worry about post pardum. And raising a kid. *sigh* I would not wish this on anyone.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I currently have no biological children and, being honest, time is running out for that....but my husband has told me that he thinks if we are able to, that we should use a sperm donor, so that he can avoid passing on his "issues". He was not joking.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how I feel about that, but I see his point, for sure!
I to hesitated to have kids because of my issues however I have hope in my heart that it didn't pass on to them :o) New here and I love your blog.
ReplyDeleteI cried when I found out I have bp for this very reason. I already had kids and had no idea I could be passing this on.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad somebody else posted this late becasue I love this post.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
Honey- there's nothing you can do about it now. It's like you fell(were pushed)into a mud puddle. _IF_ one of your kids needs to walk that path, you'll be able to point out the slippery spots, that's all. You are a good mama.
Much love,
Angelica
I have a very young daughter diagnosed as bipolar- would I trade her for the world? No way! If I knew she would be bipolar, would I have had her, yes! Do I try to help her in every way I can to be successful in her trials? Of course! I have yet to meet a person who has not hard to work hard to overcome whatever they must...we all have our cross to bear, and some of them seem impossible at times, but with the help of others, we can do it! It is so refreshing to read your blog, it helps me see the good in what my daughter struggles with. I found you on SITS, enjoy your day!
ReplyDelete