What Depression Feels Like….

 

Envision yourself free falling into complete darkness.

You fall, and you fall some more, you are spinning and contorting as you fall.

You try to scream but nothing comes out, and so you cry. You cry until you think your whole being may just explode from all of the pressure.

You taste the bile at the back of your throat, and the salt of the tears that are falling into you open silent screaming mouth.

You can hardly breathe, each breath is a labor of exertion, and you are so very wearied and wasted.

You keep thinking surely you will hit the bottom soon, you have been caught in this timeless plunge for so long.

But your feet don’t ever touch the ground, you just keep falling.

You are suspended in an everlasting free fall into darkness, for hours, days, and months.

This is what depression feels like.

It takes your breath, sanity, and balance away.

I have had these feelings more times than I care to count, some times it lasts only a few days, other times it has lasted over a year.

An ample part of my life was spent struggling to find myself, catch my breath, and land both of my feet on the ground.

Once in the spring of 1993, I hit the ground.

I hit it with a soul shattering thud, and each breath was now stabbing me in the chest. I was marred, wounded, and internally bleeding.

I had to put myself out of this misery.

The only way to rid myself of this fierce pain, was to not be able to feel it at all.

I had to kill myself.

I could not live in this much agony anymore.

I was thirteen.

 

to be continued…….

© Copyright 2009 Manic Mother