Heavy Heart

I wanted to post about all the things I am so grateful for, and all that I have learned this last year. But the truth is, my heart is heavy.

One year ago today I stood in the deli section of our grocery store and listened as a Dr. told me over the phone that my son needed to be seen by a pediatric oncologist. Purely precautionary, he said.

One year ago today, my family walked away from our grocery filled shopping cart, and walked into what has forever changed our familial landscape as we knew it….

And so these last few weeks have been flooded with the raw memories of all that we have been through this last year. I have found myself crying, on more than one occasion.

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This morning while watching Ezra play, I found me eyes welling with tears. He came and sat on my lap and asked, Mama crying? I told him yes, but Mama is happy. And then he caught my tears in his chubby palms as they fell down my face. Got it! he exclaimed as he caught a fresh tear and giggled.

365 calendar days may have passed in this epic story, but not a thing has changed about my sweet boy. He is still the same lighthearted, boisterous, sweet old soul that he has always been.

While I would like to say Ezra’s cancer hasn’t changed me either, it has and in ways I never thought possible.

I treasure every day a little more.

I listen to my intuition.

I believe in myself.

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I can’t wait until we are on the other side of this story, when leukemia is a part of our past. When Ezra is a grown man with a son of his own. I can’t wait to tell his children what an amazing person he is, and always has been…..

Keep fighting the good fight, sweet boy.

And know that Mama will never stop fighting for you.

You boys are my everything.

I love you.